Top 10 Tuesday: Things I’m Still Learning After 20 Years of Marriage

04/18/201707/27/2018 / CAstfalk / 4 Comments

Things Learned 20 YRS Marriage

My husband and I will be married twenty years this week. Twenty years. Not sure how it’s even possible that so many sunsets have slipped by me.

As a twenty-five-year-old bride, I thought I came into marriage well-prepared. Relatively speaking, I did. My parents provided a good example of a long and faithful marriage. (Remote preparation.) I understood, more or less, what marriage entailed, at least as well as any never-been-married person can. We attended the Church-required marriage preparation and consulted with a priest. (Proximate preparation.) We discussed the important stuff: faith, babies, finances, and lifestyle. Continue reading →

#WorthRevisit: Will This Season of Marriage Last Forever?

04/13/201608/07/2018 / CAstfalk / 2 Comments

Worth Revisit Wednesday

With more than fifteen months of blogging under my proverbial belt, I feel as if I might now have some material worth revisiting, so I’m linking up with Theology is a Verb and Reconciled to You for #WorthRevisit Wednesday Linkup. This post, written less than four months after I began blogging, was viewed by more people than any other post of mine at the time. My reflections on our less-than-perfect marriage were timed to my wedding anniversary, as is this repost. Only this makes nineteen years.

What’s different a year later? Very little. Only that I’m already considering how to celebrate our twentieth wedding anniversary by spending our second night (and third through eighth nights) alone since 2002. Continue reading →

I (AM) Wants You!

01/04/2016 / CAstfalk / 4 Comments

What makes a recruitment poster like the classic below effective? Personalism?
There’s no doubt that those steely eyes and that pointed figure are aimed at you.

And as easy as it is to dismiss God as a remote, disinterested overlord, His approach, too, is personalist.

He wants you (and me) as you are.

As you’ve been created.

Not an automaton.

Not as His minion.

As His cherished love.

“Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you.” Jeremiah 1:5

Continue reading →

Relevant Fiction Reviews: Dealing with Demons

10/19/2015 / CAstfalk / 2 Comments

The longer I live, the more I’m convinced that evil is real. It’s a tangible force – one commonly overlooked in our “enlightened” post-modern era. That’s why I was struck by these four novels: one the sequel to a historical romance, if we can call the 1980s “historical” now, and the others a dystopian trilogy.

The Gifting by K.E. Ganshert

The Gifting has a little bit of everything – mystery, suspense, romance, action, and a full-out battle between good and evil. In fact, what struck me most about the series, beginning with The Gifting, was the acknowledgement of evil. As a demonic entity tells Tessa, “You see, people have a hard time fighting against something they don’t believe. Their denial makes our job easier.”

The dystopian setting allows the reality of good and evil to penetrate without inducing nightmares. The Gifting hits its mark in making the reader consider unseen realities without fear-mongering. Continue reading →

Relevant Fiction Reviews: Costly Grace

08/17/2015 / CAstfalk / 2 Comments

In June, my Relevant Fiction Reviews comprised several reviews on the theme of love, war, and sacrifice. This month, the novels all examine what in Saving Amelie is referred to as “costly grace” (in reference to Dietrich Bonhoeffer’s theology). This is the sacrificial love that, in the books below, requires giving up an ultimately destructive relationship, sacrificing romantic love for a higher calling, and risking freedom and maybe life to preserve the lives of others. Continue reading →

Relevant Fiction Reviews: Love, War, and Sacrifice

06/15/2015 / CAstfalk / 3 Comments

Occasionally, I’ll be sharing some of my reviews here, under Relevant Fiction Reviews. I don’t review every book I read. Not even close. So these are hand-picked selections that I either loved or struck a chord with me. Maybe some time I’ll even sneak in a little nonfiction. Three of my recent reviews follow, all very different books but with similar themes.

I read two novels in one weekend, both of which dealt with the suffering endured by Iraqi and Afghanistan war vets. Both are, at their essence, love stories. One was a romance, the other was literary fiction. In both, the protagonist struggles with PTSD and the age-old question of how a loving God can allow evil. In both, we learn God’s love can heal our hurts. (A longer version of my review of Wounded Healer will appear at CatholicFiction.net.) Continue reading →

Will This Season of Marriage Last Forever?

04/13/201503/03/2016 / CAstfalk / 16 Comments

On Sunday, my husband and I will celebrate our eighteenth wedding anniversary. I write that with disbelief, not because I expected our marriage to fail, but because the years have a way of slipping by with increasing velocity.

Our wedding day, 1997.

A couple of months ago, we had a rough day. Neither of us go for superstition, but that Friday the thirteenth lived up to its reputation. It began with an argument and tears and culminated in a rescue mission when my husband had locked himself out of his car on the opposite side of the city. (A mistake I’m more prone to make than him.) Continue reading →

Top 10 Tuesday: 10 Pitfalls To Avoid In Your Relationship With Your Spouse

04/07/2015 / CAstfalk / 3 Comments

My husband and I will celebrate eighteen years of marriage this month. As a result, I’ve been reflecting on the ways our relationship has grown and the challenges we’ve faced.

Like every couple, my husband and I have had our ups and downs. We’re still working on becoming better spouses, better lovers, better friends. Here are some of the lessons we’ve learned about fairly universal traps that can trip up even the most committed and loving couples.

Fail to communicate. I know, I know. You’ve heard this a million times, but that’s because it’s true. If you want to start an argument, expect your spouse to be a mind reader. When your spouse fails to intuit your needs, stew for an unspecified period of time, then pitch a fit. Remedy: Speak up early and often.

Continue reading →

Carolyn Astfalk, Author

Relevant Fiction for Body & Soul

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